Couples who find satisfaction in their sexual relationship experience a deeper sense of contentment with their life partners.
Sex Is The “Glue” In A Marriage
Couples who are satisfied with their sexual relationship feel better about their life partner, have more confidence, experience calmer nerves, provide more support to each other, forgive each other sooner, and enjoy a happier life.
One of the problems that may prevent having a quality sexual relationship is feeling tired during intimacy. Daily responsibilities can lead to physical and mental fatigue. However, you shouldn't let these challenges diminish or undermine the importance of your sexual relationship in your marriage.
If a sexual relationship for you goes beyond satisfying instinctual needs and transforms into a two-person recreation to enhance intimacy and positive feelings between you, it can increase your ability to deal with everyday challenges. When done properly and with quality, a sexual relationship not only reduces daily fatigue, anxiety and stress but also contributes to a better sense of well-being, providing you with more energy for your activities.
Benefits of Marital Sexual Relationship
Most people's perception of a healthy marital relationship revolves around achieving momentary pleasure and the sense of liberation that comes with it, while sexual desires have a miraculous impact on our health and the improvement of our quality of life, both physically and psychologically.
1. Reduced Stress and Blood Pressure: Sexual activity in marital relationships significantly contributes to lowering blood pressure and reducing stress, aiding in lowering diastolic pressure.
2. Enhanced Immune System: Engaging in sexual relations once or twice a week increases the body's production of immunoglobulin, known as immunoglobulin, helping individuals remain protected against colds and other infections.
3. Similar Effect as Exercise and Calorie Burning: A 30-minute sexual encounter burns over 85% of the energy calories, almost equivalent to a leisurely walk.
4. Heart Health: Healthy sexual experiences reduce the likelihood of stroke and heart attack.
5. Boosting Self-Confidence: Establishing a healthy and loving sexual relationship contributes to a greater sense of life satisfaction in an individual.
6. Improving Emotional Relationships and Intimacy: Due to the increase in oxytocin levels, known as the love hormone, individuals with a healthy and good sexual relationship tend to be happier and healthier than others.
7. Pain Relief: Sexual activity is a natural pain reliever as it increases oxytocin hormone levels up to five times the normal amount.
8. Prostate Health: Sexual activity and ejaculation can prevent the accumulation of cancer-causing agents within the prostate gland.
9. Strengthening Pelvic Muscles in Women: Contraction and movement of pelvic muscles during sexual intercourse contribute to exercising and engaging muscles in the abdomen, pelvis, thighs, buttocks, arms, neck, and chest, enhancing women's posture and reducing the risk of urinary incontinence, uterine prolapse, and bladder issues.
10. Reducing Depression: Male semen contains hormones such as estrogen and progesterone, both of which are effective mood enhancers.
11. Sleep Regulation: Oxytocin secretion during sexual arousal not only contributes to weight control and blood pressure regulation but also promotes restful sleep.
12. Healthier Teeth: Seminal plasma absorbed in the vagina contains minerals like zinc, calcium, and others, preventing tooth decay.
13. Increased Blood Circulation: Sexual activity increases blood flow to the brain and other body organs.
14. Skin Health: Sexual relationships, by enhancing overall blood circulation, improve oxygen supply to skin cells, resulting in radiant skin. Additionally, by its collagen-boosting effect, it reduces skin blemishes and sagging.
Sexual Satisfaction
Sexual satisfaction essentially stems from establishing effective communication, understanding one another, appropriately resolving conflicts, and sharing interests throughout the years to guarantee and sustain sexual contentment. While there's currently discussion about a decline in sexual satisfaction among couples, it can't necessarily be asserted as true because a reduction in sexual satisfaction results from sexual reluctance, which itself has significant underlying factors. "Never think lack of energy means an end to your sex life, and there is nothing you can do about it," says Dr. Sharon Bober, director of the Harvard-affiliated Dana-Farber Sexual Health Program. "There are many strategies you can adopt to get back in the game."
Some of the most common reasons for loss of libido
Obesity, diabetes, heart disease, high blood pressure, and high cholesterol can affect libido can cause the libido to decrease.
Also, many medications, including blood pressure medications, antidepressants, and tranquilizers, can cause erectile dysfunction. Consult your doctor if you are using any of these.
"Sexual intercourse may be uncomfortable for women due to menopausal symptoms such as vaginal dryness. If sexual activity is physically discomforting, it's not surprising that both partners may experience a decrease in sexual desire and satisfaction. This can impact both of them, and if the man is concerned about potentially harming his partner, it will certainly affect his interest in a sexual relationship." says Sharon Bober.
In such situations, open communication with your partner is crucial, discuss everything with each other. "Spouses find ways to share everything from household chores to financial planning, and sexual relations should not be an exception to this."
She adds: "There is ample space to find common ground. In addition to traditional intimacy, there are many ways to activate your sexual relationship with your life partner. For example, you can ask your life partner to engage with you when you are happy."
Sexual Reluctance
Sexual reluctance, also known as sexual coldness, is defined as a decrease in the desire of individuals to have sexual intercourse. The more accurate term is decreased libido or frigidity. Low libido is a phenomenon born out of civilization and is not recognized among animals and non-civilized groups. This phenomenon occurs less frequently in marriages with strong foundations.
Low Libido in Women
Women's sexual desires naturally fluctuate over the years. Highs and lows commonly coincide with the beginning or end of a relationship or with major life changes, such as pregnancy, menopause or illness.
Some medications used for mood disorders also can cause low sex drive in women.
Everyone may have times when they’re in the mood for sex, and other times when they’d rather not. But if you have a persistent loss of interest in sex, and low or no libido, you may have desire disorder. Also called a hypoactive sexual desire disorder (HSDD), this condition is very common. It may be a problem that only happens for a while, or it may be something you’ve dealt with for life. Your doctor or therapist can help you treat desire disorder and have a more satisfying sex life.
Low Libido in Men
Identify the reasons for your decreased energy. Typically, the loss of sexual desire and potency is often related to some physical or emotional issue. Here, we take a look at the most common reasons for a decline in sexual interest in men.
1. Low testosterone
Testosterone is an important male hormone. In men, it’s mostly produced in the testicles. Low levels of the testosterone can impact your sex drive.
2. The Relationship Between Erectile Dysfunction and Low Libido
Men with erectile dysfunction may experience low libido more than others, and these conditions can strike a blow to their self-esteem. Keep in mind that opening up and having honest communication with your life partner is important. For many men, this can help alleviate stress, letting them know they are not alone, and someone is there to support them.
3. Sleep problems
Insufficient sleep can significantly decrease your energy levels. Poor sleep can increase stress Insufficient sleep can significantly decrease your energy levels. and disrupt the way your body and brain store and utilize energy. If you're tired, you may have less energy for engaging in sexual relations.
4. Lack of Physical Activity
When you lack sexual energy, you need to move. Regular physical activity can improve your muscle strength and boost your endurance. Numerous studies have linked daily physical activity with reduced fatigue, especially among sedentary individuals. You don't need a lot of exercise, 2.5 hours of moderate-intensity exercise per week can enhance your sexual libido. Focus on a combination of cardio and strength training, weightlifting and brisk walking.
Fatigue Factors during Intercourse
The primary cause of feeling tired during sexual relations is often related to existing issues in the relationship. Many individuals often use fatigue as an excuse, resorting to self-blame instead of addressing and resolving their relationship problems through communication.
Other factors that may result in fatigue during sexual intercourse include:
Watching too much television
Some people are addicted to television and prefer staying up late watching TV shows while their spouse has gone to bed alone. If you want to improve your relationship with your spouse, instead of wasting time on late-night TV programs, ensure your spouse doesn't stay alone. Rather than immediately seeking intimate relations after finishing a TV show without any foreplay, turn off the television and spend time caressing your spouse to be prepared for a sexual relationship. Typically, requesting nighttime intimacy without any foreplay can lead to the other party rejecting it, citing sleep and fatigue as excuses.
Busy work schedules
If you have a busy work schedule, your work-related stress will increase, and heightened mental engagement will make you feel tired even for any activity, including sexual relations. Try to have specific working hours, and having quality sexual relationships is essential to improve the quality of life and satisfy your spouse.
Cardiac Issues
One of the early signs of cardiac problems is erectile dysfunction, which can lead to physical fatigue and impact the desire for sexual relations. If you're facing persistent erectile dysfunction, take steps to manage it before it becomes more serious.
Hormonal imbalance
One of the reasons for weakness in marital relationships is fatigue for engaging in intimacy and sexual exhaustion, which can result from hormonal imbalance. Sexual hormones play a crucial role in individuals' inclination for sexual relationships, arousal, and enjoyment of sexual activities. Disruption in the balance of sexual hormones, especially a decrease in testosterone, can lead to a lack of desire for intimacy.
Depression
If you frequently feel fatigued, experience sleep disturbances, or derive little pleasure from various activities, it's possible you may be facing depression.
Insomnia
A proper night's sleep is crucial for maintaining a well-balanced daily life. Insomnia in men can result in a decrease in the frequency of sexual relations.
Vigorous Exercises
Balanced exercise is crucial for overall body health and can even enhance sexual desire, aiding in maintaining robust physical stamina for intimate relations. However, improper exercise that imposes excessive strain on the body can lead to heightened fatigue, resulting in inadequate energy for sexual relations.
Causes of Low Libido
Various factors contribute to a decrease in libido, including:
1. Mental Distress
The motor force behind sexual matters is mental strength. Any kind of busyness, mental preoccupations, or psychological and mental disorders like depression, stress, and anxiety that disturb the mind significantly reduce sexual desire.
2. Medications
Patients with high blood pressure and depression who use antidepressant and antihypertensive medications often experience erectile dysfunction and a significant decrease in sexual desire.
3. Physical and chronic Illnesses
Suffering from malignant diseases such as diabetes, hypertension, multiple sclerosis (MS), coronary artery disease, and vascular involvement are factors that diminish both erectile function and sexual desire.
4. Lack of Coordination Between Partners
Today, we observe many men dealing with premature ejaculation, causing discomfort for their spouses. These individuals, due to losing self-confidence and fearing being in such distressing situations, experience a decrease in sexual desire both mentally and emotionally.
5. Negative Life Events
People exposed to sudden, unpleasant life events like divorce, loss of loved ones, financial troubles, etc., are susceptible to a sudden decline in sexual desire.
6. Drugs
Some men, due to a mistaken belief, use substances like Opium to treat premature ejaculation, which ultimately leads to addiction and a decline in men's sexual desire.
7. Alcohol
Over time, excessive alcohol use can lead to the development of chronic diseases and other serious problems including Erectile dysfunction and diminished sexual desire.
8. Postpartum Decrease in Sexual Desire
After childbirth, hormonal changes and breastfeeding can cause a reduction in women's sexual desire, with the extent varying among individuals.
9. Secondary deficiency in sexual hormones or male menopause
We examine the health of sexual hormones for any young individual experiencing recent decline in sexual desire. This includes checking sexual hormones, measuring blood testosterone levels, elevated blood prolactin, and assessing homosexual tendencies. Testosterone is the most potent male hormone, influencing sexual potency and desire in young men. Any decrease in blood testosterone levels will result in a decline in sexual desire. Elevated blood prolactin, due to excessive secretion from the brain or tumors, can manifest with reduced sexual desire and enlargement of breasts in young and middle-aged men, requiring treatment.
Homosexual tendencies, considered a sexual or psychologically rooted disorder, can contribute to a decrease in opposite-sex sexual desire and should be investigated.
10. Sexual repression stemming from the partner
For example, unpleasant odor, lack of proper physical appearance, excessive weight or extreme thinness, etc., which lead to the suppression of the opposite party's sexual desire.
11. Conflict or significant tension with a partner
Arising from psychological and emotional factors, it will lead to a decrease in sexual desire.
12. Erectile dysfunction
The most common causes of erectile dysfunction are diseases that affect blood vessels and blood flow to the reproductive organ. These diseases include hardening of the arteries (atherosclerosis or arterial sclerosis), obesity, smoking, high blood pressure, and high cholesterol. Arterial hardening is associated with diabetes. Therefore, erectile dysfunction can be a sign of heart disease or other serious health issues.
The impact of tiredness on sexual relationships
Anxiety regarding education, career, the future, and children is often intense for both men and women, resulting in a feeling of fatigue. While men tend to prefer sexual relations when tired, women often opt to quickly fall asleep in a state of fatigue and find an excuse. Therefore, it's crucial to understand the meaning of fatigue for both genders and establish a shared definition. However, crafting a universal definition for fatigue proves to be quite challenging.
Various factors can contribute to fatigue, such as overall weakness, quick exhaustion, challenges in emotional connection, feeling tired during or after physical activity, and a sense of lacking the energy to initiate tasks. Understanding the causes of fatigue and effective coping mechanisms is crucial, as it can have negative impacts on job performance, family life, social relationships, particularly in the context of sexual relationships.
Common causes of fatigue encompass excessive exercise, sleep disorders, nutritional deficiencies, overworking, upper respiratory infections, anemia, thyroid and lung diseases, medications (sedatives, antidepressants, allergy, and blood pressure medications), as well as conditions like cancer and depression.
Treatment Strategies for Sexual Burnout
You can employ the following strategies to address fatigue during sexual intercourse:
1. Having romantic sex with your partner
Don't rush to reach orgasm; start with a gentle and romantic lovemaking to gradually overcome sexual excitement in both of you, making fatigue fade away. Women derive great pleasure from foreplay, so there's no need to showcase your masculine power with a quick and rough encounter. Often, women find a better connection with their spouses through caressing and being held close before sexual relations, improving their mood and increasing both physical and mental attraction to their partners. In addition to enhancing emotional intimacy, caressing and cuddling are very beneficial for reducing stress hormones in both of you, allowing you to experience a much better post-orgasmic feeling and recharge emotionally. Begin your sexual relationship with caressing, cuddling, or gentle kisses to get fully aroused and forget about fatigue. Once both of you are sufficiently stimulated, you can increase the intensity of movements and have a faster pace.
2. Stop Negative Thoughts
One of the significant reasons preventing arousal or even causing difficulties in achieving and maintaining an erection is mental preoccupations and stress. These factors can negatively impact the frequency of sexual encounters, making individuals less inclined to engage in sexual activity and enjoy it. Stressful and anxious thoughts hinder the secretion of sufficient sexual hormones for arousal and reaching orgasm. If you are experiencing mental fatigue due to these thoughts, try not to dwell on anything other than the present moment. Lie down with your partner, embrace them, and talk about yourselves, your bodies, sexual desires, and the beauty of your partner. Complement each other and share positive thoughts to distance your mind from negativity, creating a readiness to enjoy the experience.
3. Change Your Lifestyle
If fatigue during sexual activity is accompanied by physical weakness, the root cause may lie in your habits and lifestyle. Therefore, if you frequently experience such feelings and lack the energy for sexual relations and reaching orgasm, it's essential to examine and improve your lifestyle.
- Appropriate Nutrition Inadequate nutrition is a primary cause of reduced sexual potency and fatigue. Increase the consumption of fresh proteins, fruits, vegetables, herbs, and herbal teas with warm temperament. Reduce intake of processed, sweetened, fatty, or salty foods.
- Regular Exercise Aim to exercise at least three days a week for one hour. Your exercise routine should include a mix of strength training and cardio exercises to enhance muscular strength, balance blood circulation, and aid in body fat burning.
- Physical Appearance A more appealing and well-toned appearance, along with regulated blood flow, enhances your physical strength, desire, and energy for sexual relations.
- The Power of Massage Don't underestimate the miracle of massage in sexual relationships. A massage prepares both a tired individual and someone with a cold temperament for a warm and passionate sexual encounter. Full-body massage and genital massage with warm oils calm the mind, alleviate stress, release fatigue and tensions from the body, increase blood flow to the genital organs, and boost the inclination for sexual relations. Try giving each other a massage once a week or twice a month and experience the pleasure it brings to both of you.
4. Revival with Shared Bathing
If your spouse is too tired for intimacy or returns home sweaty and in need of relaxation, consider suggesting a bath. Warm up the bathroom, gently wash your partner's body to relieve tension and fatigue. This thoughtful gesture often leads to them reciprocating, preparing both of you for a warm and passionate connection.
5. The Essence of Tantra
While Tantra is often associated with sexual relations, its essence lies in connection-whether it be with oneself or between you and your life partner. Tantra is centered around developing awareness of your body, similar to yoga, encompassing both physical and spiritual consciousness. It involves practices derived from yoga exercises that enhance sexual desire and foster a deeper connection between couples. Tantra not only aims for an elevated state of mind and body but also plays a role in establishing a more profound and harmonious connection with your spouse.
In the practice of Tantra, you and your life partner learn how to cultivate physical awareness, focus, and replenish the energy that diminishes after sexual relations.
Engaging in these exercises with your partner helps you develop a heightened awareness of your mind and body in the present moment, allowing you to mutually nourish each other with your energies. Tantra provides an opportunity to delve into and broaden every facet of your personality, fostering a genuine understanding of others both internally and externally.
Tantra is an all-encompassing practice; it doesn't revolve around sexual relations or orgasm – it's about the journey itself. The crucial aspect in these exercises is indeed giving significance to the needs of your sexual partner. If both parties grasp this concept, substantial success can be achieved in any sexual relationship model. The aim is for both sexual partners to mutually serve each other through various forms of these exercises—deciding who takes on which role. If both individuals transcend their personal needs, then which need is fulfilled in the process?
Keep in mind, a lasting shared life demands creativity and ongoing exploration. The Tantric approach serves as a strategy to deepen the emotional connection between two individuals and foster even greater unity.
How can couples kindle desire for each other?
Key principles that ignite desire between couples include:
1. Show enthusiasm and affection using endearing words like 'my dear' or 'my love.' Using terms like 'honey' for a spouse can evoke sweetness and warmth.
2. Consider allocating the best space in your home to your bedroom, selecting one with fresh air and good ventilation.
3. Create an inviting ambiance in your bedroom, making it a haven for an affectionate couple. Cherish this space as it holds the essence of your shared memories.
4. Anticipate intimate moments with eagerness and align yourselves according to these conditions.
5. Focus on finding pleasure in each other rather than making excuses, criticizing, or being disrespectful. Engage in activities that appeal to both individuals.
6. When both partners are clean, organized, and in good spirits, take the initiative with enthusiasm and liveliness. Emphasize the importance of general and personal hygiene, crucial for fostering intimacy.
7. Consider spending every night together, sharing the same bedroom. Simple physical gestures, like the husband's hand beneath the wife's head, can deepen affection and love.
8. Embrace open communication in every aspect of your relationship, fostering love and compassion between partners.
9. Strive to avoid fixating on concerns and approach problems rationally for a more enjoyable daily life.
10. Nurture a close, intimate relationship filled with humor and laughter, crucial elements that help address issues and enhance everyday joy.
11. Maintain a well-groomed appearance to foster attraction between partners. Keeping stylish and well-kempt enhances allure.
12. Use pleasant scents to nurture individuality and create vitality. Natural fragrances coupled with cleanliness enhance affection.
13. Appreciate life and each other. Viewing life with love imparts stability and continuity.
14. Maintain a positive attitude, prioritize health, and steer clear of negative habits that can impact energy and well-being.
15. Marriage and family hold immense value, nurturing love and closeness. Partners should consider shared interests and commitment when contemplating marriage.
16. Foster intimacy by being tender and attentive during intimate moments, enhancing enjoyment for both partners.
17. Choose healthy habits during intimate times, avoiding processed or fast foods to prevent discomfort.
18. Intimacy should never occur when feeling tired, fatigued, or reluctant, as it can breed resentment and disinterest.
19. Focus solely on intimate connection during intimate moments, avoiding discussions that may cause nervousness or disinterest.
20. Understand each other's strengths and weaknesses to deepen your connection and enrich daily life.
21. Embrace intimacy by falling asleep together, initiating with caresses and kisses, fostering a positive atmosphere.
22. Uphold kindness, communication, and considerate gestures to maintain cheerfulness and intimacy, fostering a positive atmosphere and success in life.
Conclusion
Perhaps it's time to take a serious look at improving our sex life. Therefore, therapists and individuals, in general, must make every effort to share resources to address this dilemma that seems to have entangled us. Initiating improvements in one's sex life means changing old patterns and ideas, and like any fundamental change in life, it can initially be unsettling.
We recommend reading the book "The Secret of Happiness in Marital Life" by Jamshid Khodadadi